Confessions from afar

Much of what I post on this blog is filtered.  It's filtered to show all the fun things I've done while I've been in Korea.  But it's time I confess the truth: much of my time here has been unhappy.  I've previously alluded to having a hard time adjusting here, and that certainly was the case at first, but as time goes on, I don't feel like it's gotten much better at all.

I can't say I haven't laughed or smiled while I've been here, certainly, there have been happy moments, and I have made many wonderful friends, but I have found most of my time feeling empty and sad.  And I certainly don't feel like it has been for lack of trying.  Up until recently, I had been taking Korean language classes to try to adapt better to the culture.  As you can see from previous posts, I've gone on many different trips and done many events to try to learn more about and see different parts of the country too.

But as I've now been here for nearly 6 months, I feel that I have more unhappy feelings than happy ones.  I sometimes find myself crying in the school bathroom because I feel so unhappy.  As one friend said to me "that is a red flag".  They're totally right, and it is.  This is not to say that I was particularly unhappy with my school - quite the opposite in fact!  I didn't mind going into work every day to see the kind staff and students.  But work is just a small part of my life, especially when it's not something I want to do long term.  I feel like I am getting to the point that perhaps it's best if I take this experience for what it was, and say "Korea is just not for me".

Korea is an extremely different culture from what I am used to.   I know many people have come here before me, and have dealt with their troubles in Korea in various ways and have learned to love it and went on to stay for many years.  The more that I think about it, however, I feel like I am wasting precious time here.

It's funny what you learn to appreciate when you are without it.  As the song goes "you don't know what you've got til it's gone".  I knew I had a happy life in Ottawa, but I don't think I knew just how great and happy it was until I was here in Korea.  I don't pretend to think that my life was perfect in Ottawa, but I certainly didn't feel like crying every day while I was there.  Maybe that's the lesson I was supposed to learn by coming here?  To appreciate my home and all that comes with it.

I also know many people who come to Korea are trying to run away from a difficult life back home (relationship and/or job issues) and stay in Korea, miserable for X amount of time for those same reasons.  Fortunately for me, I don't have those problems.  While I might not actually have a job waiting for me back home, I believe I will be able to find something.  And I certainly have a wonderful man waiting for me at home.  My friends, my family, my city.  They all made my life very happy - something I haven't felt since being here.

I have done what I wanted to do here:

• I want to move and teach overseas because I want to have a different experience. *CHECK*
• I want to experience living in a different country, in a different culture, with different challenges. *CHECK* 
• I even want to experience culture shock. *DOUBLE CHECK*

So does that mean I should continue to feel sad and stay?  I don't think it does.

And so, I have decided to tender my resignation to the school effective November 1st.  Which means I will be home shortly thereafter.

I am so afraid of people viewing me as a failure or a quitter for not staying the year here.  I don't want to feel like I have let people down.  But, I am sure that there are those who will view it in that way (whether they are here in Korea or in Canada).  I am a person of tremendous self-pride and to make this decision is not something I have done lightly.  I have given it much thought, and a great amount of prayer.  I have talked with so many people and asked for a sign from above.  But I know that ultimately, the decision is up to me.

I'm sorry if you're one of the people let down by this decision, but I have to think of my own self happiness, and, sadly, it just isn't here in Korea.  I will always hold this experience in a very special place in my heart.  I don't regret coming here. While it is not what I expected to be or the result I thought would happen, I have learnt a great deal from it and from those I encountered on this adventure.

There and back again

When I said goodbye to my family and friends back in April, I really didn't think I would see most of them again until the following year.  My plan was to leave Canada and not come back until my time in Korea was done and I had gotten the travel bug more or less out of my system (I don't think I'll forever be rid of it...nor do I really want to be!).  I thought for my summer and winter vacations, I would travel around Asia checking many of the life experiences off my bucket list.  But, as the best laid plans of mice and men so often go awry, so did that one for me.

I wrote previously about how when I arrived in Korea, I found it difficult to adjust.  Combine this with the fact that travelling to South East Asia from Korea is much more expensive than I first thought, and the fact that I am fortunate enough to have access to standby tickets at a reduced fare, I decided to go back to Canada for my summer break.

Part of me was very nervous about going back for a break.  I mean, I had only been in Korea for 3 months and was still in the transition phase.  Would going back home just make me feel more homesick?  Would I even bother to come back to Korea or just stay home where everything is comfortable and familiar?

Regardless of what could/would happen, I prepared to make the long flight back to Canada for a 2 week holiday.  First though, I had to teach 2 weeks of English summer camp.  Essentially English summer school, the camps are when the teacher has free reign to teach anything they want to and are not required to follow any textbook or curriculum.  It was suggested to me to teach something that I was passionate about.  Of course, the theme of my camps was "Exploring our world"...or more specifically, the countries of Canada, Switzerland and Australia - my top 3 favourite countries in the whole world.  We play alot of games, and did arts and crafts (making a passport; creating aboriginal art) and I think they all really enjoyed it.  I even got the grade 5 students to sing "happy birthday" to Switzerland, since "Swiss day" happened to fall on the national day - August 1st.

I had intended to leave on Friday afternoon, but when looking at how busy the flights were in August, I decided to try to leave a day early.  I had to beg and plead with my school to convince them that since I would just be sitting at my desk for the next day and a half, I'd be better off trying to get home since I wasn't really sure I'd get on any of the flights for the following few days.  They accepted, and so I packed my things and headed out to the airport.  Flying standby always has its good points and its bad points.  Main bad point: you sometimes don't know until the last second if you will get on the flight causing much stress.  But one of the good points can sometimes be this:

After a long, but comfortable flight, I was very happily home.  Oh how nice it was to see my Fabian again!

My favourite view in Ottawa

Back where it all started!

Since I was only going to be home a short time and still had a lot to do and many people to try to see, it was a very busy visit!  Filled with lunches and dinners and coffees and many laughs, it was a really great time!

I went back to my mom's for a few days to visit with family, who were all missing me as much as I was missing them.

Nap time in the car

Summer dinner in the gazebo - corn on the cob, hot dogs, and a "poutine-off" between two local favourites!

Staring contest!  Smokey vs. Fabian

We also spent a few days in Montreal, where Fabian got to attend his annual Metalfest, while I got to celebrate the last single days of one of my oldest friends (sadly, I would miss her wedding because I would be in Korea) and see other friends that we had in Montreal too.  A nice vacation within a vacation.

My sister was due to have her 2nd baby at the end of August, but since I was there in the first half of the month, we were all hoping that she would "pop" while I was still around.  It seems he will be a very obedient little boy...he was born just before I left!

Little baby Jake

A final dinner gathering with friends back in Ottawa, and before I knew it, it was time to get on a plane and leave again.  Of course, I was sad to leave, but this time, there were fewer tears at the airport.  Maybe because we had a better idea of what to expect?  Fabian and I have found ways to maintain close contact despite the miles between us.  Thank goodness for Skype, kakao and OTO Global!  I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I don't know how I'd do this without technology.

The flight back to Korea wasn't as comfy as the trip to Canada, but I was grateful to get on just the same.  The stress of not having a set flight can be pretty draining.  Part of me was wishing I wouldn't get on the flight so that I could have an extra day or two at home, but another part of me was wishing I did leave so that I wouldn't run the risk of not getting back in time to start the new summer term.  In the end (literally, the last moment before the plane closed its doors for take off I boarded), everything worked out and I was back in Korea, with all of my "Canadian supplies" to help get me through the next few months in Korea. :-S

And....go!

안녕하세요 (hello) from Korea!

After a wonderful vacation in some amazing places with Fabian, I have now arrived in Seoul Korea to start my orientation.

But before I tell you about my arrival here, I'll wrap up the last few days we had in Istanbul.  On our "bazaar" day, we haggled hard and got some pretty Turkish style plates and of course the requisite magnet (for me) and shot glass (for Fabian).  After our shopping day, we took a $2 ferry ride to the Asian side of Istanbul and enjoyed wandering the interesting street markets.  So now Fabian can say that's he's been to Asia and we can both say that we've been to a rare intercontinental city.  Check that off the bucket list!  The following day we visited Topkapi palace, which was interesting, but I think Fabian thought it was better than I did.  We also explored the modern and trendy Beyoglu area, and took a lovely tour of the Bosphorus. On our final day together, we checked out the beautiful Cora church and ancient city walls before we met up with two of Fabian's friends from Ottawa who are currently posted at the Embassy in Ankara.

Despite the wonderful time we had together in both Istanbul and Switzerland, it was so, so, SO hard to say goodbye to my Fabian at the airport.  As expected, I cried.  Alot.  I had to apologize to the girl sitting next to me on the plane for crying so much.  But, mixed with the tears was a sense of excitement and pride.  This is what I wanted to do: live in a new city, a new country.  Mixed with fear and nerves, was joy that I am living my dream.

Touring the Bosphorus - I miss you already, my love!

Fresh off the plane from Turkey.  Anyonghaseyo Korea!

So far, I have to say the experience has been great!  Once again the flight with Turkish Airlines was great (I guess there is a reason they have been voted twice as Europe's best airline), my bags arrived intact and my clearance through customs was quick and painless.  I had a driver waiting to pick me up at the airport and brought me straight to the orientation center.  I arrived as the welcome dinner was in full swing, but I wanted to change and take a quick shower to freshen up before meeting all my fellow teachers.  So, I found my roommate, a nice Irish girl, so I could get into our room and sort out my things.  She invited me to join her and some of the other teachers for a drink at a local bar, and I gladly went so that I could get to know people.  Why not since I wasn't all that tired?

The bar we went to had a "self service" feature where they had all the bottled drinks in fridges and you just got what you wanted and paid for everything when you left.  Pretty handy, although my drink wasn't really all that cheap ($6 for a vodka cooler)...maybe I'll stick with soju from now on since it's supposedly much cheaper!

Here in the orientation center they seem to try to give us newbies a "gentle welcome" to the country.  The breakfast this morning was very western (bacon and eggs) and there's even a "north american style" outlet in my room!  I also haven't seen any kimchi yet.  The water taps are opposite from ours (push the tap down rather than up to turn on), but aside from that, everything's pretty much the same as here.

Every one's been very helpful and friendly and welcoming and I've had a chance to talk with a number of teachers who've been here for a while and it has calmed a lot of my worried and makes me even more excited about this experience.

Today's first item of the day was the full-on medical check (everything from hearing and eyesight, to blood and urine tests and xrays), and in a short time we have the official opening ceremony for this orientation week.  It promises to be a great way to start my time in Korea!

The pre-adventure adventure

When my trip to Korea started to take shape last November, I immediately started to look at flights to get me there.  As a neurotic planner and travel nut, it is in my nature to start researching flights and trips as early as possible, always trying to find the best deal and the most exciting route!  When I came across a fantastic deal with Turkish Airways, which would not only cost me less than my flight allowance budget, but would also permit me a stopover in Istanbul (a whole new city and country to visit), I was chomping at the bit!  I spoke to Fabian about my find, and we decided why not make a holiday out of it so that we can make a quick stop in Switzerland to visit his family (a mere 2.5 hour flight away) and spend a few days exploring the city together?  One of his great passions in life is history, so to experience the richness of this ancient city is definitely in his "Top 10" list of places to visit.

And so, here we are!  9 days into our 12 day trip through Europe (and part of Asia)!  Sadly, that means we only have another 3 days together before we see each other again in January - a very long and lonely 8 months from now (SAD FACE!) :'-(  But, we've tried to make the most of our time together.  As mentioned, we were able to spend almost a week visiting his family and friends in Switzerland which was wonderful.  This was my second time meeting his family, and they are just as nice as the first time I met them last year - maybe even nicer! :-)  We had many laughs playing games with his mother, sister and nieces (I can't recommend Mow enough as a great game for all ages), a wonderful night with many of his oldest and dearest friends, and of course, ate more delicious food than I probably should have!

We also made a special effort to do some wedding planning.  We have decided that given our mutual love of the mountains, we would get married in Switzerland!  Details are still not firmed up, but we're aiming for summer of 2015, which would give us time to save money and plan together after I get back from Korea.  We met with a wedding planner, and looked a few venue sites, so things are promising and moving along well for now.  Given that we're so far from the date and we have a lot of other things on our mind now (like travelling and my move to another country), we'll be able to sort things out in the weeks to come.  Having spent the day driving through the beautiful, mountainous area of Valais though is always a pleasure.  How can it not be when you have a great view like this while drinking your chocolate milk?

The "black triangle-shaped" mountain in the middle is the Matterhorn!

We arrived yesterday in Istanbul and immediately hit up the shops for many free samples of Baklava and Turkish delight.  The weather has been pretty cold, grey and windy, but this is easily remedied by eating more free samples of Baklava and Turkish delight.  I have been pleasantly surprised by the food here in Turkey.  Having been to the sole Turkish restaurant in Ottawa only once, I didn't think there would be so much great food.  But so far, I've really enjoyed our meals.  Another not so pleasant surprise I've found being here is that the cost of things are higher than I'd thought they'd be.  That's not to say that things are necessarily expensive (after coming from Switzerland, nothing is "really expensive"), but they're much more comparable to prices in Canada, which, for whatever reason, I didn't expect.

Regardless, we've had a good day and a half so far, and have seen the whirling dervishes, Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque, Baslisica Cisterne, and the Hippodrome.  

The view from our room at the wonderful Sultan Hill Hotel

Inside the amazing Hagia Sophia - unfortunately half the room was blocked off for renos, so it was only half as amazing as it could have been, which is still pretty amazing!

The eerily beautiful Basilica Cistine

Outside the Blue Mosque

We also went for the required Turkish bath, one must experience at least once in a lifetime.  It was really quite something.

Tomorrow is "Bazaar day", where we will visit both the Grand and the Spice bazaars.  I really look forward to seeing all the colours and smelling all the strange and wonderful scents...and eating all the free samples of baklava and turkish delights!

A farewell to home

Today is the big day!  Today is the day that I leave Ottawa for the next 14 months!  Filled with excitement, nerves and the worry that I've forgotten to do something, I've been up since 4am.  After a 5 hour packing session on Friday, I am ready to go, but as always, I have that dreaded "I feel like I forgot..." feeling.  Of course, all of my to do lists items are checked off, but I suppose it's inevitable.  Today, Fabian and I will take trains, planes and automobiles to get us to our first stop on my journey to Korea: Switzerland!  (yes, I'm taking the long way 'round)  Stay tuned for beautiful mountain scenery!

This past weekend was filled with both tears and joy.  In addition to it being my last weekend in Ottawa, it was also my 30th birthday.  Both of these reasons were, of course, enough for celebration, but add on my recent engagement, and you've got yourself a great happy birthday/going away/engagement party!  I am grateful to the 40 or so friends who came out to celebrate with me!  I will miss them all very much!  In particular, I am thankful to my Fabian for helping organize the event, and to my great friends Allison and Chris, without whom the party would not have been as awesome as it was!  A highlight of the night for many was the photo booth that was set up.  Thanks to Allison's seemingly bottomless tickle-trunk, many great moments were captured!  See for yourself:

A night full of laughs, and even a couple "special guests"!

Gangnam style! 

Lucky me, even Psy made an appearance!

With the good, must come the bad, I'm afraid.  I cried many times this weekend while saying goodbye to so many special and important people - my mom and family who came up for a birthday brunch, and my many friends. I know I will see them all again soon, but it's always hard to say goodbye.  Thank God for Skype!  I'm not convinced I would be able to do this adventure without technology.

As I take this next step in my journey, I have thought about some of the things I feel that I will miss.  Obviously my family and friends are at the top of the list, but I realized the other day that I will also miss some of the even more basic things of my life like asking a shop keeper where to find a particular item.  I don't know how to say "where's the toothpaste?" in Korean.  Or sitting in a waiting area and understanding what people around me are saying.  These are the things I both look forward to experiencing and dread all at the same time.  It's a strange feeling.  And of course, the food.  I will miss our food.  Sure, I like bulgogi and bibimbap, but those that know me well, know that when I love a certain dish, I stick with it. Sadly, there will be no midnight poutines in Korea.

I will miss my home here in Ottawa, with its history and culture and small town feel, with big city amenities, but I know I will be back.  In the meantime, I am excitedly looking forward to new views, new places and new experiences!

Love & marriage & kimchi

In my last blog post 2 weeks ago, I talked about the many changes going on in my life: the passing of my cats, the ending of my job, the moving from my home.  Little did I know I should have waited another few days to post that write up of big changes because another big change was about to happen.

Fabian liked it, so he put a ring on it!

Fabian proposed, and of course I said yes!  We had been talking about our future for quite some time and we've both thought from very early on in our relationship that we were the right ones for each other.  We have so much in common (from both hobbies and interests, to the important things like beliefs and values), but when we differ on things we are always able to respect each others differences and find a compromise where we can both be happy.  I knew that an engagement was coming at some point, but I really didn't know exactly when.  Not being one for surprises (I'm too much of a planner to enjoy uncertainty), the knowing it was coming, but not when was fine for me!   He did a good job too: a romantic trip to one of our favourite little inns in the area and just before going down to a very nice dinner, he asked me to be his wife.  I couldn't stop smiling the whole night.

And of course, the ring!  It's a vintage style, with an emerald as the center stone, surrounded by diamonds.  It's so elegant and delicate but unique at the same time.  I just love it!

I'm grateful to him for proposing before I left.  While it would have been very romantic to have done it while we were in Switzerland or touring Hagia Sofia, we're now able to celebrate this moment with all of our family and friends.  Celebrating a year later, while doable, would have kind of sucked all the newness and excitement out of it.  

One idea I had had about my upcoming time in Asia was to have a wedding dress made while I was over there.  I mean, the tailors in Hoi An alone are famous for their work.  But I also wanted to have the quintessential mother-daughter bonding moment of wedding dress shopping.  So, thanks to Fabian's proposal timing, I asked my mom, grandmother and great aunt to come to look at wedding dresses with me and just get an idea of what looks good on me (often what looks good in a picture or on a hanger looks very different when on a body).  After trying on a few different dresses, I tried on one that changed everything.  It was elegant and glamorous, with just the right amount of drama and sexy.  As my mom said "Andrea, it's just so you".  Even though it was nothing as I imagined it to be in my mind when I thought of my wedding dress, I knew it was the perfect dress for me.  My mom asked me how I would imagine Fabian reacting to seeing me in it, that's when I started to cry.  That's when I knew it was the right dress - I knew he would love it.  After we all cried a little (yes, that does happen in real life, and not just on "Say yes to the dress"), I made the very extremely impromptu decision to buy it.  I was in a state of shock for the rest of the afternoon.  Who plans to move to a foreign country in just a few weeks but buys a wedding dress as a last minute purchase?  Crazy ol' me, that's who!  Of course, since I know Fabian reads this blog, I can't post details about the dress, but I promise in due time to post proper pictures.

So I suppose you're wondering, how does this all change your plans for Korea, Andrea?  Well, to put it simply, it doesn't.  I am still going.  The proposal was not Fabian's desperate ploy to try to get me to stay.  It is a show of our commitment to each other and to making this work.  Now, whenever I am feeling sad and alone and am questioning the 10,000 km between us, I just need to look down at my hand to be reminded of  the wonderful man I have waiting for me, patiently, at home.  And when I go to leave and say goodbye to the (hopefully) many wonderful friends I make while in Korea, I will also look down at my hand to have those feelings of sad goodbyes replaced with the excitement of my reunion with him.

So while some of the wedding planning is underway (we have a general idea of where and when - details TBD), our engagement will be a bit prolonged because of my trip.  On the bright side: lots more time for planning! Coincidentally, one of my favourite hobbies!

Back...with a vengeance!

So, it's been over 2 years since my last post on this blog.  I've traveled lots in that time (China, Hong Kong, Switzerland, Alberta and BC) and many things have changed, but one of the biggest change is still yet to come!  I am moving to Korea!  The city of Incheon, to be precise.  I will be going there for a year to teach English, the age range of my students is still TBD.

But before I go on about my future, I suppose I should fill in about my past.  Since my last post from Uruguay back in 2011, I have had the great fortune of having a new love in my life.  Fabian and I have been together since July of that year and I have to say I can't remember when I  have clicked so well with a partner.  To have found some one who loves and respects me just as much as I do him is something that I cherish and will work to keep...which will be no small feat while we are 10000km apart!  I write this on my blog for all to see because a) when you're in love you want to shout it from the mountain top b) you'll be hearing a lot about him (and likely the relationship) over the next year of blog posts (so best I fill you in before you start asking who the heck is this Fabian guy she keeps referring to?) and c) I'll  probably have the long distance relationship moments where I'll look back on it and be reminded of why I am committed to making it work.

As I said, there has been lots of changes that have taken place over the last two years, but most of them have happened in the last few months.  The catalyst for my moving to Korea was that my job as an assistant to a Senator was coming to an end.  My boss was retiring at the mandatory age of 75.  After 8 years of working for him, and a total of 10 on Parliament Hill, I felt the need to try something different.  Clearly, I've always been interested in travelling (and my case of wanderlust has only worsened with age) but living in a foreign country is not something I've ever had the opportunity to do.  You have a completely different experience when fully immersed in a different culture for an extended period of time.  The longest I've been away from Canada for one stretch of time was 1 month in Australia.  Hardly extended and hardly shocking. (Don't get me wrong, I loved Oz, but it's very similar to Canada, only with more beaches, tropical climates and taps that serve pre-mixed rum and coke *ew*)

I knew well in advance my job was coming to an end, so I had ample time to decide what my next move would be.  Work for another Senator? Find another job in government? Move to the private sector?  All very responsible, grown-up options.  One day a year ago, Fabian and I were talking about what we wanted for the future.  We both love to travel and don't have any kids, so why not take advantage of it now?  I threw the idea of teaching abroad out there, fully expecting it to be rejected.  But to my surprise, it wasn't.  We talked about it and it sounded like a decent option to look into.  Over the next few days, the idea sat with me, and the longer it did, the more I realized that this is what I really want to do.  It just felt right.

Over the following days and weeks, I researched places, requirements, schools, and a whole gamut of information to see how I could turn my dream into a reality.  After hitting a few of the same roadblocks, it became clear that if I wanted to continue down the path of moving overseas, it would have to be something I would do alone.  You see, Fabian is from Switzerland, and therefore, does not have English as his first language, nor has he done any of his schooling in an English-speaking country, both requirements for most of the countries we were interested in teaching in.  We looked into him teaching French abroad, but we ran into even more problems with that option.  We finally came to the conclusion that he would not go.  He would stay in Ottawa.  I thought about if that's what I wanted to do too.  But every time I thought "I should stay here", there would be something in my gut that said
that that was the wrong decision.

When I told Fabian about my decision, he fully supported me.  He understood that this was my dream and he did not want to stop my from achieving that.  This is why he's a great boyfriend.  He has been nothing but supportive and encouraging to me.  I'm not sure I would be able to do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.  That's what makes him an amazing boyfriend. It was never a question of "are we going to break up?" it was always simply "how are we going to make this work?".

From that point on, I've worked on doing what I needed to do to be prepared for this: I took a TEFL course to get a basis on how to teach; I've taken Korean lessons to understand the language a little bit and perhaps (hopefully) lessen the amount of culture shock; I've gotten all of my affairs in order - tenants to rent out my condo, storage locker for my things, etc.  I even had a "Korean night out" with friends and enjoyed Korean food and karaoke.  If that won't get me ready, nothing will!

I'll go more into the job hunting process in another post.  I have just over a week left in my job before I am unemployed, then a month of sleeping in and visiting family and friends before jetting off to far and distant lands.  I plan to post more in that time too to get every one fully caught up.  But I think this giant post will suffice for now!  Until then!